Author Archive

Love Fades Over Time?

February 13, 2016 Comments off

Love Does not Fade on its own.  We become more vulnerable over time, which can be threatening.  Withdrawing to feel safe causes love to fade.

Categories: Blog

Trust is Essential for Relationship

March 4, 2011 Comments off

To trust means that you put your heart into the hands of another person. It is foundational to all secure relationships. Trust is our first step towards intimacy with others. It makes relationship possible. As trust deepens you begin to depend on others more fully without fear or insecurity.

Here are the three principles of trust:

1. Trust is built over time and cannot be rushed.

2. Trust is based on reality and verifiable behavior.

3. Trust requires taking a risk.


Trust deepens as partners interact with one another and demonstrate trustworthiness over time. As this happens the relationship becomes stronger. Every time a partner expresses commitment, loyalty, safety, and love they make a deposit in the trust account within the relationship. Any form of deception, unfaithfulness or hurtfulness subtracts from the trust account and depletes the relationship. The connection is strongest when each person adds to the account on a daily basis.


Denial is a major contributor to conflict around trust. People who acknowledge and accept reality are better equipped to handle potential pitfalls. Denying or minimizing the bad things your partner does increases your chances of fooling yourself into thinking you can trust him, even though he is untrustworthy. This is called “Blind Trust.” You can err in the other direction as well and deny the good your partner does; ignoring the times when he is reliable, dependable, and consistent. This pattern leaves you suspicious of the most trustworthy person.


Maturity and inner security determine how well you take the necessary risks that lead to greater gains. The person who is unwilling to take a risk is confined to only one way of relating to others: Guarded!

Fear will make you untrusting no matter what. It causes you to discount and doubt traits in another person that actually demonstrate safety and trustworthiness. Risk stands between you and the greatest experience in life, the experience of deep abiding love.

Categories: Blog

Need hope?

February 28, 2011 Comments off

What is Hope?

Hope is a central part of life and emotional well-being. It is the belief that the future will bring something positive.
Hope enables you to persevere during uncertainty, adversity and hardship. When hope is absent, despair sets in. It is much easier to give up if you have the belief that the future will hold insurmountable obstacles. People with high hope tend to feel more at ease and motivated to reach goals.

What is Hopelessness?

• Hopelessness is an attitude about your circumstances. It is a viewpoint more than a reality.

• Hopelessness is caused by a perception that the future will bring only negative things.

• The more you hope for a particular outcome, the greater the sense of pain and sorrow if it does not occur.

• Preventing yourself from developing hope in the service of avoiding potential sorrow and disappointment in the future will only increase pain in the long run.

• Hopelessness can be so painful that it can lead to depression and thoughts of suicide.

How to Find Hope in Difficult Times

• Hope ultimately comes from your relationship with loved ones. It is created when you are encouraged by other people’s positive attitude and reminded of how important you are to them.

• Think of setbacks and limitations as challenges rather than failures.

• Hope can be transferred from one person to another. Maintain contact with positive and upbeat people.

• Try viewing the problem in the best possible light. This is not the same as denying that the problem exists.

• Hopelessness can represent untreated depression. You may need to consult with a psychologist.

• If you feel “down in the dumps,” avoid criticizing yourself or others. These patterns increase suffering and isolation.

Instead of giving in or giving up, people with hope often see problems as challenges to overcome. Hope empowers you to take the next step even when it seems impossible.

Categories: Blog